Desire to Be
by Samm16
Summary: Rogue is frustrated and confused. Wanting to be herself, she decides what's best for her. Rated PG for future language. authors note!


**Disclaimer:** Don't own, leave me alone!

**Authors Note:** Edited and added some things to it. Nothing new is added. I can't say I'm happy with it but oh well.

PS- Sorry for such a delay! I just haven't felt inspired. Hopefully now that I'm only working part time I'll be able to have more time to "get inspired" and write more often!

**Rated:** I suppose PG for now simply for the language I'll probably end up using. If you don't like it that's fine, don't read it.

**Summary:** Basically, it's another Rogue story. It's an original story coming from my own mind but I can't promise that there won't be others out there…as it is about Rogue and almost anything that can be done, has been done.

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She was sick of it. Sick of everything. Sick of feeling like she had to live her life in the darkness, hiding away from everyone- hiding who she really was. Of course, who she was she wasn't sure. She'd never been given the chance to figure it out herself, not since everyone expected her to be the bitchy, indifferent Goth she had once pretended to be. Ugh. How she loathed that term: Goth; it wasn't who she truly was, was it? It was just what her mutation had made her to appear, just what the social forces expected her to be. Heck, she couldn't touch skin to skin so that must mean that she'll want to keep to herself and snarl at anything that crosses her path. Of course, deep down she knew that wasn't how she wanted to act; the desire to be herself burned her insides everyday she spent behind her façade. She wanted to sing, she wanted to smile, she wanted to laugh but, most of all she wanted to be happy. If there was one thing she knew, being here would never help her accomplish her endeavor.

(16)(16)

Rain. She loved it, to her rain was misunderstood. It was seen by so many as a dreary, wet and depressing substance, but really it was a beautiful, life-giving element that brought a small smile to her lips. Now, as she weighed her options regarding the future, the rain was made heard pounding heavily on the window's glass; the rain, she considered, was a good omen that signified the end to the silent debate in her mind. Her decision was final. She would have to leave.

There was not much to pack as she had made the habit of keeping only the necessities: her regular clothes, toiletries, make-up, and of course her c.d.'s. Everything else could stay, she'd be back one day, when the time was right.

When she looked around her eyes visibly saddened as she took in her bare surroundings, one last thing to do before she high-tailed it out of there. With a tears forming within her soulful green eyes, she took a pencil and quickly wrote, "I'm sorry I've gone but I need to, I'm sorry I can't be here when I'm needed."

Without hesitation she opened her window and started the climb to the ground. It was still raining and the air smelt decadent. As she made her way through the grass towards the gate, the waterlogged ground collapsing under her footsteps, a voice resounded within her mind, 'Be safe'. With a mental nod, she walked out the gate and made her way down the glistening road.

(16)(16)

An hour later and the heavens were still crying; how wonderful it was. The entire walk to the bus station she couldn't help but smile; she was free, she was on the open road with nothing in her way. Now, here she sat, in the middle of the bus station clutching her ticket as if it were the last lifejacket on a sinking ship. Well, it was her ticket out of here. God, how she had been craving this, of course, before she had no idea leaving was what she wanted or needed, but now that she was there she had no regrets.

And so here she sat, her deep brown hair pulled back with two strands of pure white framing of her porcelain-white face, excitement of a new adventure finally getting to her. Her leg moved up and down, up and down, over and over again. It shook until her whole body positively pulsated in innocent titillation and thrill. Those few, who were also here waiting for the buses, couldn't help but stare at her with eyebrows raised and some with mouth open. She knew it but she didn't care, honestly, who cared what they thought…besides it was too late to!

(16)(16)

The bus had finally arrived. As it turned the corner, slowly looming towards her, her heart fluttered and dropped, 'This is it,' she thought to herself as she stepped onto the bus and watched the doors close, 'can't turn back now'.

Even if she could she wouldn't want to, not for anything.

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**Thanks to my Reviewers-** You guys were so sweet!


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